Postcards from the hedge 

So I want a cat... 

A cute kitten which will bond with me, purr like a Disney cat, have a pleasing whispy miaow and a fondness for naps on my lap. Well that's not going to happen is it, nope that guilty feeling grabs the back of you subconscious. You can't just go out and buy a cat when so many are discarded, left to drown in brick filled sacks dropped into canals or smoked illegally as "cat" is the next big buzz. So a quick search of internet sites is done.

All the cats are elderly, all the cats are on meds, all  the cats are suffering from PTSD... I can't remember a major feline based drug conflict but I digress. I now have the image of one eyes ginger tom saying "catnip wars man, ya had to be there, I have seen beyond", before turning and licking his bottom. 

Take Molly a gorgeous lady who needs a very special home. Not keen one being fussed about but will let you know when she has had enough. She likes her own company unless its meal times and loves to hunt. Likes a good scratching patch, previous owners gave her everything she needed.    

OR

Take Molly a complete killing machine who will kill you rather than look at you. Touch her and your arms become stumpy bits of bloody gristle. Totally psychotic alpha predator that may let you live if you bring high quality offerings. Molly will deploy razor like claws to cut you and everything you hold valuable. Previous owners are missing after what can only be described as a prolonged hostage situation. 

 

Toby

Can not live with other cats, dogs, people so you will be moving out when he moves in. Can appear nervous and needs a lot of space, he is like a ticking bomb that may go off at any second. May appear fidgety when handled, will eviscerate you. Can be aggressive if not comfortable, are we talking about a pet still or a terrorist?

Tabitha

This sweet lady has diabetes, and probably a crack habit, the crack will be cheaper than the twice daily insulin jabs which she hates. She will dribble when happy, wants love continually and will complain every second that you don't comply like a feline version of Helena Bonham Carter in that film. She is older so sometimes get confused, like where next to defecate or urinate. 

Rufus

Rufus was feral but has now been declared tame, by some old lady with failing eyesight. Rufus is a hunter so anything he can get through the cat flap is game, including rabbits, dogs, postmen, children, horses and dire wolves so don't make that flap too big. Rufus was described by his previous owner as a big softy who was great with some of her grand children (don't ask about the survival rate of the others).

Anyway I still want a cat but think I better wait until I have a better idea of when this current pandemic is over.